Advice #12 Sonder

Sonder: Embracing the Richness of Every Life

In our daily lives, it’s easy to become absorbed in our own thoughts, struggles, and joys. After all, we are with ourselves 24/7—we know our own hopes, dreams, and imperfections better than anyone else. Yet, there exists a profound concept known as sonder that invites us to step outside our self-centric perspective and recognize that every passerby, every stranger on the street, is living a life as complex and vivid as our own.

What Is Sonder?

Sonder is the realization that each random person you encounter has a life as intricate and nuanced as yours. They experience their own memories, harbor unique dreams, face challenges, and savor moments of joy. This concept challenges the illusion that our own experiences are the center of the universe, revealing instead a tapestry of lives interwoven with their own narratives, struggles, and triumphs.

Imagine walking past a person on a busy street. In that brief moment, you might not even register their existence beyond a fleeting glance. Yet, unbeknownst to you, that person might be celebrating a small victory, grappling with a personal loss, or dreaming about the future. Recognizing sonder helps us appreciate that every individual is the protagonist of their own story.

The Comfort in Recognizing Others’ Focus on Themselves

Understanding sonder leads to another liberating insight: people are primarily focused on their own lives. This isn’t an act of selfishness but rather an inherent human trait—after all, each person is navigating their own inner world. The realization that others are more preoccupied with their own stories than with scrutinizing our every move can be both comforting and empowering.

This perspective can help dissolve the anxiety of being overly concerned with how others perceive us. When you understand that people are busy with their own thoughts, it becomes easier to take risks, ask for help, or pursue opportunities without the paralyzing fear of judgment. If someone declines your request or forgets your encounter, it is likely because their attention is absorbed by their own lives, not a reflection of your worth.

Embracing Confidence Through the Lens of Sonder

Realizing that others are too wrapped up in their own narratives can significantly boost our confidence. Instead of overthinking interactions, we can approach life with the understanding that our presence is just a fleeting moment in someone else’s day. This realization can encourage us to ask for favors, share our ideas, or express our needs without the heavy burden of expecting profound recognition or validation.

For instance, consider asking for directions or help in a moment of uncertainty. With the insight provided by sonder, you might find comfort in knowing that the person you’re asking is more likely to be preoccupied with their own concerns. Their response, whether affirmative or negative, is simply a reflection of their day-to-day reality rather than a deep judgment of you as a person.

Living with a Wider Perspective

Embracing sonder invites us to live with a broader perspective—a reminder that the universe is filled with countless lives, each vibrant and significant in its own right. By acknowledging the inner worlds of others, we cultivate empathy and reduce the weight of our self-importance. This shift in mindset can lead to more compassionate interactions and a deeper understanding of the human condition.

Furthermore, recognizing the multitude of personal stories unfolding around us can inspire a sense of solidarity. We are not isolated beings but part of an intricate mosaic of experiences. Every smile, every tear, and every mundane moment contributes to a larger, interconnected human story.

Sonder is more than just a philosophical idea; it’s a gateway to a more liberated and empathetic way of living. When you appreciate that everyone has a full and rich inner life, you also learn that people are more absorbed in their own narratives than in critiquing yours. This understanding frees you to be more adventurous, more open, and less burdened by the fear of judgment. In the grand tapestry of existence, every individual is both the hero and the bystander of their own life—a beautiful truth that, once embraced, can change the way you experience the world.